Love was in the air?

I had such a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I was showered with love and treated to an amazing romantic dinner at my favorite fine dining restaurant.  I was lavished with flowers, candy and diamonds.  Love for me was profoundly professed.

NOT…

I am Single and that was just a dream lol.  My day consisted of not remembering it was even Valentine’s Day. Subliminal avoidance maybe?  Headed to work and tried to get and stay focused on the year end tasks.

After work I went to see a man about some teeth. Ha Ha get it – like going to see a man about a dog, I don’t know my Gram used to say that all the time when she would ask where I was going.  It was a man – a Dental Lab Technician who is helping to orchestrate a very costly and long overdue restoration of my mouth.  If you didn’t know me you may think I am a Meth addict or never brushed my teeth once in my life – neither of which is true.

On the way from there I had to stop at CVS for last minute V-Day gifts for family – none of whom even said hey thank you.  But I did get Roses and a card from Dad, my aunt gave me Godiva Chocolates and a Cat Post It Dispenser with a scratch off I won $5 on.  My Gram is bed ridden and no one (including me, so not can’t bitch too much) thought to ask if she wanted us to go get her stuff to give.  My uncle got me more Godiva Chocolates and a Stuffed Lion ( I am a Leo).

From there King Kullen to get a can of biscuits and then home to serve dinner.  Beef Stew from the Crock Pot.  Prepped veggies and meat the night before at midnight while having a cup of coffee and then was able to toss it all in and set it and forget it until I got home.  It was pretty good – I will make some tweeks to my recipe for next time though.

After dinner I went to my favorite dollar store which now a days $1 stores have way more than just $0.99 stuff.  Of course when I have $ the 50 things I pass all the time and say I am gonna buy one day when I have a little extra, were all gone.

Back home to do a little more cleaning and organizing in the kitchen and then headed up to my floor to do my own dishes, feed Bubba and shower.

I had some plans to write this last night but my niece bugged me to watch Criminal Minds with her and I can’t write with her in the room.  She watches the show but doesn’t pay attention then asks 100 questions about what happened. So annoying.

I was so emotional out of nowhere though last night.  All of a sudden I busted out in tears over something silly, but obviously something in my sub concisous was nawing at me – but what I don’t know exactly. Loneliness on Valentine’s Day, Anxiety about this dental procedure, overall stress and worry- or a combo?

About this teeth thing – I have 20 teeth in my mouth.  Adults should have 32. 6 have to be pulled and three are Crowns.  So technically 11 real 3 fake. Ugh. This has been an ongoing issue all of my life – bad genetics combined with pounds of candy as a child and parents to distracted to properly teach and stay on top of my mouth hygiene.  And then once I got my first job at 13 my Dad had me start paying for my own dental work so a $300 filling took me three months to pay off and that is how it went for the next 20 years on and off with a dentist start work go each week make payments then stop for a while to give my mouth and wallet a break and then there was new stuff to go bad.  Never ever ends and I kind of gave up after the last guy basically stole $350.00 of mine. I was making pre-payments for a Crown.  Then when I go to get it done finally he told me that I used the $350 for temporaries and an argument ensued,  he made the temporary wrong the first time and it fell out after 48 hours, went back had it redone and it was still uneven causing it to fall out a week later and then finally on the third try it kept.  So four months later when I went back and he told me that I was SOL because I never got a receipt and he never said that he was charging me for temporaries or I would have addressed it at that time.  So at that point I had to start saving again and when I finally went back the tooth was cracked and had to be pulled.  This was the second dentist in four years that gave me prices and a schedule and then found some way to legally back out of out agreement.  It is so frustrating.

So my Dad came into some money and a client of his offered me a wholesale restoration deal – $45k of work for $22k.  My mouth will be healthy and complete when this process ends in 6 months or so and then maybe I can start life over. 10 Impants and 18 Crowns later. I have been so self concscious that it has kept me from reconnecting with old friends, trying to make new ones, get out and date and I have hardly smiled in a picture in years.  Even laughing in public I have to control so my mouth doesn’t open more than a little. I would be mortified if anyone got a glimpse into this disgusting mouth.

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I know most people reading aren’t dentists but you can get a general idea of how terrible my mouth is and how empty it looks 😦

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Hello 2017, Have Mercy

It has been a long time and there was no goodbye, I apologize.  It is Sunday night and I was working on some other computer stuff (emails, surveys) while reading old mail and doing some sorting.  Then WHAM BAM the writing Gods had me open WordPress and before I knew it I have a post going – YAY !

Hope everyone had wonderful holidays and are enjoying a happy new year.

I am really trying but I have mixed feelings on that.  I am extremely displeased with my nations current leader. I am physically ill about it.  But that is all I will say about that right now as it is not the reason I started to write this post.

I am watching This is Us.  This show is absolutely amazing.  You laugh, you cry, you get angry, you understand, you identify, you smile.  I see this show winning many many awards this coming season.  If you have not watched – watch an epiode at least, experience it.  A family story hitting on tough topics in such a realistic manner.  The actors cohesion is vital and so wonderful to witness.

I am like 2 months behind on my shows on DVR because a while back I had started Criminal Minds on Netflix  and well most people know how that goes lol. Binge watching 5-7 episodes a night.  I never thought I would like it and one night saw it on Netflix and decided to try it and I was hooked.  I am up to Season 8 already and the current season airing is 12.  Since I am trying to get caught up on current shows I figure the current season will be over by then and I should be able to finish S8 and then get going on 9 etc

In case it is not clear – I am a bit of a Crime Drama junkie.  Always have been – when I was a kid 8-8 years old I loved Dr. Quincy Medical Examiner and America’s Most Wanted was another favorite show.  Come to think about it now – it is kinda weird and scary my parents let me watch Dr. Quincy etc

I have been doing online surveys for a long time – on and off.  But I have been trying to get back into it and cutting out some of the ones that require way too much work for little rewards.  Since many of them offer rewards for referrals I am going to add a Surveys Page with my referral links.  This way if any of you decide to check any out I can get credit (TIA) 🙂

Part 2 – Monday the 23rd

Last night I

Part 3 – Tuesday the 24th

I stopped writing on Sunday because my laptop was not plugged in and it died.  It was late – I had been on the computer for hours and decided it was best to quit for the night.  But when I first got all settled in to my “workspace” aka bed, with my cup of coffee a show from DVR starting and my my draft from last night was gone.  I was so upset – I messed around for a while to find it and as soon as I did and started to write – our power went out due the Noreaster.  That is why I have three words under Part 2.  I decided to leave as is to show my effort (more for me than you guys).

Now I am at work but I just had to get on to finish what I started and hit Publish. The Survey Page is up and I will add to it as I am working with different sites.  Also going to be sprucing up the other pages I have already created.  Any thoughts, ideas or suggestions please feel free to drop a line.

 

See ya soon…

 

 

 

Plowing a new path. Ryan Lochte.

Hey Y’All (lol)

Not to brag (ok it will not seem like anything worth bragging about) but I started the gym yesterday. And I want to go and it feels good to hurt so bad lol.  Two days  of cardio, tomorrow I will do some machines for upper body.  Hopefully I don’t look like a jerk since it has been a long time since I have used machines in a gym. Figuring out the adjustments on some of the bikes is hard enough. I’m exaggerating but still took me like 2 minutes too long.  Trying to go the whole week get a great kickoff then rest Saturday and Sunday then the following week still mostly cardio but adding exercises and just generally trying to get in a groove. And I shopped before hand and marinated some butterflied chicken breasts in organic sesame ginger stuff.  Got home and cooked them in the oven, sauteed a fancy zuchinni and tomatoe with some butter and garlic and oil ( I know baby steps) and had five halves of simply boiled baby red potatoes.  It was pretty good.  The marinade was overpowering the chicken but I think that was because they were so thin and just lapped it up.  Last night I had a meal delivered from Munchery.  North Carolina Pulled Pork.  That story will be part of a different post – coming soon.

I went out of my comfort zone and watched a (gasp) MOVIE!  I really am not a movie person for some reason. I am a TV junkie, primetime {on dvr never live}  and animal, wildlife, nature, law enforcement shows to name a few.  I have watched movies and love some movies but rarely do I watch one through.  Occasionally I will watch bits of an old movie if I pass it while channel surfing because the dvr is empty.  But I had a 99 cent rental from Amazon for Precious which was on my watchlist.  I am glad I did. I watched half last night and the rest just now. This movie is right up my alley.  Great story and superb acting and producing in my opinion.  Real life story on the big screen. Hits a little close to home because the mother generally speaking shows behavior reminiscent of someone close, figuratively close not near and dear close.  And NO it is not my mother. But that is a topic deserving of a full post – or maybe 7! I could easily talk that much about the sad situation.

OK can I vent about something.   I really hate that RYAN LOCHTE is on DWTS and being treated so nice after the stunt he pulled in Rio.  Its like it didn’t even happen.  Yea he lost some deals and endorsement but I am sure it will not be long before he gets more because of any negaitve publicity. He disgraced the US by blaming locals of robbing him and made a spectacle of it.  Bullshit! He should have lost his medal.  It really makes me mad.  So yea I put him in my title.  I think I will use his name to maybe hopefully get myself some publicity.

I have also been trying to stay active with other things like cleaning up this disaster of a room little by little. Keeping on top of dishes and laundry.  Started organizing some drawers.  I have a nice size bin of stuff for the homeless or those otherwise less fortunate.   I keep it in my trunk in case I run into anyone in need of something when I am out and about. I had my car cleaned and detailed two weeks ago and am trying hard to keep it clean inside.  I had an oil change but I need some other things looked at so I need to start putting away for that for a few weeks.  My next step is to make one night to post at least 30 items on OfferUp & Close5 and ebay for Sale.  I have 30 dvd’s if I can sell them $3 each that is $90 and a heck of a start.

My normal routine was go to work, go home cook eat clean up, feed furbabies, take shower (usually ten other random things in between) and then “get settled” watching tv doing my writing, survey taking, product reviewing, reward collecting or whatever else comes up.  Now I work, stop home to work out dinner situation, change and head to the gym. Come home eat alone talkin to Gran and switch any laundry if appilicable and then feed my cat and take a nice shower.  And I am using my good face soap and trying to slowly learn to take care of myself and pamper myself a little more. And wanting to do it and feeling good doing it.

So this is me plowing a new path however slowly it may be. I am just trying to keep on keeping on.

As always thanks for making it this far and if you have it will be Wednesday morning or day sometime.  I am trying something different.  I post so late I feel like no one that follows me sees me in Reader by the next day. My last post got nothing zilch zippo lol.  So I am setting this to publish around the same time I get up for work.  8ish. I can’t say when I wake up because that is like 5-6.

Comments welcome and btw that gave me an idea – Comment/Conversation Policy coming soon.

See Ya,

Sab

 

A little bit of everything

So this will  be one of these all over the place posts – talking about a bunch of random stuff.  Cause hey why not?

LOLing to myself – I have watched soooo many episodes of The FBI Files that I am seeing actors who are playing a cop in one had been a dead guy in another or the killer now was a cop in an other episode or vice versa.  I have it on Amazon Fire Stick so I just let episodes play while I am doing stuff on computer or other stuff I am into it.  They are all true stories and it is good “research” for my book.  I don’t sit writing notes but sometimes I will jot down something that stands out or could be used as good inspiration.  I also watch Forensic Files for more technical information on evidence types, gathering etc…

I tried Hummus for the FIRST TIME.  I get a LoveWithFood subscription box full of delicious healthy snacks monthly.  One Box = Two Meals Help Fight Hunger in America!!!  Check the link out here: http://lovewithfood.com/invite?m=r&ref=3tkd   You will save 50% on your first box and by using the link I get the $10 credit – their way of paying it forward to the buyers! Write reviews on the site for each product get 50 points each product.  Redeem credit $ and points for Snacks from previous boxes.  It is  pretty sweet deal!  I got the Wild Garden Hummus To Go in my first box but did not try it until today.  Mainly because I do not like chick peas.  But I decided hey why not – if you don’t like it don’t eat it.  But it was not as bad as I thought.  I had the Sun Dried tomato flavor and ate it with Stonefire Garlic Naan Crisps. Not something I will always buy or eat, however another food to add to my tried it list!

I have been slowly but surely trying to change my eating habits and my thought process on food and drinks all together.  Slowly being the operative word.  4 out of 5 days of the work week I eat Lean Cuisine for lunch.  One day a week for Lunch then usually all three nights of the weekend (Sunday – only during Spring & Summers) I will eat out (usually Italian) but I try not to overeat.  That is way too much eating out. It is expensive and not that healthy most of the time.  I am going to cut out Sunday night and eat at home which is usually Macaroni or make my own healthier meal.  I bought a 2 Liter of Pepsi today but once it is gone I am going to limit myself to only two cans maximum a week.  Lastly I bought an Rove brand Infuser Water Bottle and some different fruits today.  I hardly drink water that is not making me coffee or ice tea lol.  So I am excited to try to get into the habit of drinking water using fruits for flavor 🙂 I got it all ready tonight so the water is really infused for tomorrow.  Just oranges for now – starting out basic.  I have strawberries, plums, apples and peaches for the rest of the week.

I am trying to decide if I am going to go to Florida next month when we close for vacation.  Can I let go of the anxiety of worrying about what may come in the mail at the shop while I am away or can I trust my dad won’t go get it until I return (Wednesday). Also deciding if I am gonna take my nieces with me.  I kinda want the company but I kinda want some alone time.  I mean I can always leave her and the baby at the hotel and do my own thing a few hours a day.  I have family and friends to see alone.   I want to go Big Cat Rescue that I never visited in the 4 years I lived in St. Petersburg FL and I miss Busch Gardens. Definitely want to go to Sawgrass Lake State Park as that is a location I am using in my book, plus it was one of my favorite places to go on the weekends to get out and enjoy the outdoors and wildlife.  Those are activities I want the company for and want the baby to experience.  It will be great to get some photos and new fresh memories to reach for while writing. I’ll grab a map of that whole region while I am there for reference.  So in the next few days I need to decide before prices go up.

I sorted through a lot of paperwork tonight. So that was productive. I got some laundry done today and did some grocery shopping so I have rations for the week. Breakfasts, Lunches, Snacks and Drinks.  Though I’m sure I will be at the grocery store again at least twice.  Always need something.

Got some catching up on Big Brother to do. See you during the week. Aiming for Wednesday or Thursday.

Share me. Comment anything.  Like me. Follow me. Dislike me even.  Whatever feels right. Thanks. Here is to you a Fast Monday


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything gets in the way!!!

YAY!!! I actually did it (patting myself on the back).  After my house work, errands and a shower of course. But here I am,   I opened the computer and immediately started this new post! This is big for me. Normally I would open WP then open Gmail and start mindlessly going through emails. Then the OCD hits me and I will stop that and open some mail but not actually take any action, just pile it up.

My whole point of this post is why I can’t seem to get into a groove.  And my reasons, feelings – excuses, whatever they are!!!

I suffer from Anxiety and Depression for 20+ years.  So sometimes I flat out CANNOT bring myself to set up my work space and write or even doing everything but write. So I watch my shows.

So then the next day I will be gung-ho ready to go but something unavoidable will come up and then I get pissed off because now ” it’s too late” to get anything going. But that is a lie and I know it! I am up till 1 or 2 am anyway. I fester on how I let someone else’s needs come before mine.  And while that is true, I need to actually start putting mine first, not just saying I need to!  Right?  Duh! (slaps head). So what your night did not go as planned and now it is 11pm? You wanna write? Write RIGHT now!

Then there are the times when I have ideas flowing all day – making notes (mental and written), developing character traits and ties to the plot line. And I open up my notes, my laptop and I am stuck! This happens more often than not.  It is like I psych myself out and then instead of remembering my earlier thought process I just think to myself-  it all sucks anyway, no-one will want to read you. From there it is a pity party and I am the host!

Earlier I mentioned Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD.  I want to address that.  Maybe clarify.  I have never discussed with a doctor or been diagnosed by a doctor.  I guess I have OCD tendencies in my own opinion.  Maybe I should seek a professional opinion.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I do not want to offend anyone who is diagnosed and suffers from OCD in any form. It can be mild, mostly unnoticeable or severe and debilitating.  I am not just claiming to have a serious ailment for attention.  I just like to be open and honest about myself and my feelings and thoughts.  And I feel that I do have some OCD behaviors.

Want to hear one of my most RIDICULOUS reasons I don’t get to write.  It seems like I subliminally punish myself so that if I make a goal publicly and don’t stick to it I almost won’t let myself do it the next day.  I say to myself oh you missed yesterday’s post goal, now you look like a bigger loser than before.  SO I compound the situation by not writing, again. Feeling worse I do it again the next day and so on.  That is why it is 12 days since my last post rather than like I promised! (Ugh loserrr).  This is something I am trying to immediately change about myself.

I must stop this endless cycle of bad thoughts about my writing the bad habit of not writing.  Right now it is for me and if I want to get good I have to stick to the basics. Read, write, edit, read your own stuff, read, edit, write, read, write, write, read, read your own stuff, write, read, write etc

Does it seem like I am being harsh on myself? GOODIE that is what I am going for.  I have to confront what I know is holding me back.  That is the only way I can break free of this shell and grow. Grow as a human, a woman, a writer.

No promises except for see you soon {I hope…}

Thanks for listening!

Ugh…16 Days

Hey Y’all !!!!                                                                                                                                                 {Yes I live in New Yawk but my Momma was a Southerner and I lived in Florida close  to 5 years and I like it }

I know two posts ago I said I was going to really try to get put one post a week.  And I just log in to WordPress and see ” It has been 16 Days…” and I am like Damnnnnnnnnnn It!

Any way I was going to write anyway because I have so much on my mind the past few days.  I feel focused.  I feel like my old self – from 25 years ago. And that’s good, for the most part.  I am trying to create a new routine, set writing and publishing goals and make time for my other activities. Those are supposed to be part of  my what I want to write about too! All while trying not to continue doing the OCD thing I do where I make a list of all the things to do and start at the top every day. And never finish or get anywhere! Baby Steps.  Really tiny baby feet steps lol.

So is it really weird that I have Tampons that I bought in a multi pack that I don’t use and I offered to give away on Facebook. I said to answer via private message or text for obvious reasons.  But it was just ignored. So are people like – WTF is wrong with this crazy woman? It is a shame to throw away and I don’t know if I can donate somewhere?  Any references please comment.

I mean I don’t care all that much what most people on Facebook think of me. Cause I  also started a Social Media purge this week. Deleting people and pages that are not relevant or meaningful to me.  Some family and extended family included.  People talk about me anyway lol.  And I was keeping “friends” on that I had barely or never even interacted with. Then all these pages I have absent minded clicked or been asked/pushed to Like – GONE!  Timelines and news feeds are looking much better!  And this is good because I will be more inclined to use these platforms and interact with more people :).  I am also keeping family from everything but Facebook.

I am going to save some more of this stuff on my mind for next post.  Got some mail and other crap to catch up on and clean up before 11:41.

Remember – Sharing is Caring !!! And all that you do will make a difference to me!!!

I will have another post out by Sunday – Promise y’all!

Toodles

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Here is where I am at – Today.

Been having a down week.

Home life is to say the least, HARD, emotionally.

To explain the whole story of what has me upset since yesterday would be boring and quite long to type.  Bottom line is arguing with my uncle over the dishwasher being on and each of us having to take showers and being told – “From now on ASK to take a shower before you do”. And I was floored!!!

You see I grew up next door to him and lived in the same house since 13.  This is not a new living arrangement. We were quite close.  WERE. Things have been escalating for a long time. And getting more volatile almost daily.  This new thing of his, telling me what to do and how to do it – OH NO I need to end this soon.

You see I work for my Uncle and Dad.  We all live in the same house with their Mother, my Grandmother.  Daily for the last 5 out of 8 years I WAIT for him in the mornings.  He takes an hour to do nothing when I wake him. (Yea I wake him up like his Mommy for his own business.  He is almost 15 years older.)  I used to sit in the car and wait but now I make coffee at home and bring breakfast and lunch.  After a few months into this new routine I realized I could just sit on the couch and relax, get a ten minute cat nap in @ 8:40 a.m.

So about a month ago I was kinda rushing him on bequest of my Dad because of a new employee.  He was deliberately stalling minutes at a time on purpose.  When he came up and saw me laying on the ottoman, he was hostile! He said “if your gonna fucking rush me then you better be outside in the car waiting” I was SHOCKED.   {Sorry for all the capital words I am in a mood)

I have tried to reach out to him on numerous occasions and work on things but he seems to think I am the aggressor and I treat him badly and when I point out various things he does that are mean and nasty, he tells me I take things to heart.  Well yea duh I have one. And I am told by many people its a big one, sorry don’t mean to brag. But I  Swear sometimes I think his is locked up.

Maybe to you my readers this seems frivolous.  And I get that.  I guess you need to know more about our relationship and it’s decline. [Hint hint – guess you better stick around for more info) But I think these things go against basic respect for another person – especially a close family member.

I choose not to elaborate any more right now because I am so hurt and angry from the incident yesterday to something else that happened today that I fear if I go on I will go off on too many tangents and begin to sound a little too far out there.

Please share thoughts and insights – good or bad all is welcome and appreciated. And any sharing you do is too!

Thank you for listening and please keep on keeping on with me, I am working to at least get one post out a week and maybe start adding some other Pages type content for your viewing pleasure.

Any suggestions – anything you want to hear about or hear more about – let me know 🙂