Plowing a new path. Ryan Lochte.

Hey Y’All (lol)

Not to brag (ok it will not seem like anything worth bragging about) but I started the gym yesterday. And I want to go and it feels good to hurt so bad lol.  Two days  of cardio, tomorrow I will do some machines for upper body.  Hopefully I don’t look like a jerk since it has been a long time since I have used machines in a gym. Figuring out the adjustments on some of the bikes is hard enough. I’m exaggerating but still took me like 2 minutes too long.  Trying to go the whole week get a great kickoff then rest Saturday and Sunday then the following week still mostly cardio but adding exercises and just generally trying to get in a groove. And I shopped before hand and marinated some butterflied chicken breasts in organic sesame ginger stuff.  Got home and cooked them in the oven, sauteed a fancy zuchinni and tomatoe with some butter and garlic and oil ( I know baby steps) and had five halves of simply boiled baby red potatoes.  It was pretty good.  The marinade was overpowering the chicken but I think that was because they were so thin and just lapped it up.  Last night I had a meal delivered from Munchery.  North Carolina Pulled Pork.  That story will be part of a different post – coming soon.

I went out of my comfort zone and watched a (gasp) MOVIE!  I really am not a movie person for some reason. I am a TV junkie, primetime {on dvr never live}  and animal, wildlife, nature, law enforcement shows to name a few.  I have watched movies and love some movies but rarely do I watch one through.  Occasionally I will watch bits of an old movie if I pass it while channel surfing because the dvr is empty.  But I had a 99 cent rental from Amazon for Precious which was on my watchlist.  I am glad I did. I watched half last night and the rest just now. This movie is right up my alley.  Great story and superb acting and producing in my opinion.  Real life story on the big screen. Hits a little close to home because the mother generally speaking shows behavior reminiscent of someone close, figuratively close not near and dear close.  And NO it is not my mother. But that is a topic deserving of a full post – or maybe 7! I could easily talk that much about the sad situation.

OK can I vent about something.   I really hate that RYAN LOCHTE is on DWTS and being treated so nice after the stunt he pulled in Rio.  Its like it didn’t even happen.  Yea he lost some deals and endorsement but I am sure it will not be long before he gets more because of any negaitve publicity. He disgraced the US by blaming locals of robbing him and made a spectacle of it.  Bullshit! He should have lost his medal.  It really makes me mad.  So yea I put him in my title.  I think I will use his name to maybe hopefully get myself some publicity.

I have also been trying to stay active with other things like cleaning up this disaster of a room little by little. Keeping on top of dishes and laundry.  Started organizing some drawers.  I have a nice size bin of stuff for the homeless or those otherwise less fortunate.   I keep it in my trunk in case I run into anyone in need of something when I am out and about. I had my car cleaned and detailed two weeks ago and am trying hard to keep it clean inside.  I had an oil change but I need some other things looked at so I need to start putting away for that for a few weeks.  My next step is to make one night to post at least 30 items on OfferUp & Close5 and ebay for Sale.  I have 30 dvd’s if I can sell them $3 each that is $90 and a heck of a start.

My normal routine was go to work, go home cook eat clean up, feed furbabies, take shower (usually ten other random things in between) and then “get settled” watching tv doing my writing, survey taking, product reviewing, reward collecting or whatever else comes up.  Now I work, stop home to work out dinner situation, change and head to the gym. Come home eat alone talkin to Gran and switch any laundry if appilicable and then feed my cat and take a nice shower.  And I am using my good face soap and trying to slowly learn to take care of myself and pamper myself a little more. And wanting to do it and feeling good doing it.

So this is me plowing a new path however slowly it may be. I am just trying to keep on keeping on.

As always thanks for making it this far and if you have it will be Wednesday morning or day sometime.  I am trying something different.  I post so late I feel like no one that follows me sees me in Reader by the next day. My last post got nothing zilch zippo lol.  So I am setting this to publish around the same time I get up for work.  8ish. I can’t say when I wake up because that is like 5-6.

Comments welcome and btw that gave me an idea – Comment/Conversation Policy coming soon.

See Ya,

Sab

 

A little bit of everything

So this will  be one of these all over the place posts – talking about a bunch of random stuff.  Cause hey why not?

LOLing to myself – I have watched soooo many episodes of The FBI Files that I am seeing actors who are playing a cop in one had been a dead guy in another or the killer now was a cop in an other episode or vice versa.  I have it on Amazon Fire Stick so I just let episodes play while I am doing stuff on computer or other stuff I am into it.  They are all true stories and it is good “research” for my book.  I don’t sit writing notes but sometimes I will jot down something that stands out or could be used as good inspiration.  I also watch Forensic Files for more technical information on evidence types, gathering etc…

I tried Hummus for the FIRST TIME.  I get a LoveWithFood subscription box full of delicious healthy snacks monthly.  One Box = Two Meals Help Fight Hunger in America!!!  Check the link out here: http://lovewithfood.com/invite?m=r&ref=3tkd   You will save 50% on your first box and by using the link I get the $10 credit – their way of paying it forward to the buyers! Write reviews on the site for each product get 50 points each product.  Redeem credit $ and points for Snacks from previous boxes.  It is  pretty sweet deal!  I got the Wild Garden Hummus To Go in my first box but did not try it until today.  Mainly because I do not like chick peas.  But I decided hey why not – if you don’t like it don’t eat it.  But it was not as bad as I thought.  I had the Sun Dried tomato flavor and ate it with Stonefire Garlic Naan Crisps. Not something I will always buy or eat, however another food to add to my tried it list!

I have been slowly but surely trying to change my eating habits and my thought process on food and drinks all together.  Slowly being the operative word.  4 out of 5 days of the work week I eat Lean Cuisine for lunch.  One day a week for Lunch then usually all three nights of the weekend (Sunday – only during Spring & Summers) I will eat out (usually Italian) but I try not to overeat.  That is way too much eating out. It is expensive and not that healthy most of the time.  I am going to cut out Sunday night and eat at home which is usually Macaroni or make my own healthier meal.  I bought a 2 Liter of Pepsi today but once it is gone I am going to limit myself to only two cans maximum a week.  Lastly I bought an Rove brand Infuser Water Bottle and some different fruits today.  I hardly drink water that is not making me coffee or ice tea lol.  So I am excited to try to get into the habit of drinking water using fruits for flavor 🙂 I got it all ready tonight so the water is really infused for tomorrow.  Just oranges for now – starting out basic.  I have strawberries, plums, apples and peaches for the rest of the week.

I am trying to decide if I am going to go to Florida next month when we close for vacation.  Can I let go of the anxiety of worrying about what may come in the mail at the shop while I am away or can I trust my dad won’t go get it until I return (Wednesday). Also deciding if I am gonna take my nieces with me.  I kinda want the company but I kinda want some alone time.  I mean I can always leave her and the baby at the hotel and do my own thing a few hours a day.  I have family and friends to see alone.   I want to go Big Cat Rescue that I never visited in the 4 years I lived in St. Petersburg FL and I miss Busch Gardens. Definitely want to go to Sawgrass Lake State Park as that is a location I am using in my book, plus it was one of my favorite places to go on the weekends to get out and enjoy the outdoors and wildlife.  Those are activities I want the company for and want the baby to experience.  It will be great to get some photos and new fresh memories to reach for while writing. I’ll grab a map of that whole region while I am there for reference.  So in the next few days I need to decide before prices go up.

I sorted through a lot of paperwork tonight. So that was productive. I got some laundry done today and did some grocery shopping so I have rations for the week. Breakfasts, Lunches, Snacks and Drinks.  Though I’m sure I will be at the grocery store again at least twice.  Always need something.

Got some catching up on Big Brother to do. See you during the week. Aiming for Wednesday or Thursday.

Share me. Comment anything.  Like me. Follow me. Dislike me even.  Whatever feels right. Thanks. Here is to you a Fast Monday


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything gets in the way!!!

YAY!!! I actually did it (patting myself on the back).  After my house work, errands and a shower of course. But here I am,   I opened the computer and immediately started this new post! This is big for me. Normally I would open WP then open Gmail and start mindlessly going through emails. Then the OCD hits me and I will stop that and open some mail but not actually take any action, just pile it up.

My whole point of this post is why I can’t seem to get into a groove.  And my reasons, feelings – excuses, whatever they are!!!

I suffer from Anxiety and Depression for 20+ years.  So sometimes I flat out CANNOT bring myself to set up my work space and write or even doing everything but write. So I watch my shows.

So then the next day I will be gung-ho ready to go but something unavoidable will come up and then I get pissed off because now ” it’s too late” to get anything going. But that is a lie and I know it! I am up till 1 or 2 am anyway. I fester on how I let someone else’s needs come before mine.  And while that is true, I need to actually start putting mine first, not just saying I need to!  Right?  Duh! (slaps head). So what your night did not go as planned and now it is 11pm? You wanna write? Write RIGHT now!

Then there are the times when I have ideas flowing all day – making notes (mental and written), developing character traits and ties to the plot line. And I open up my notes, my laptop and I am stuck! This happens more often than not.  It is like I psych myself out and then instead of remembering my earlier thought process I just think to myself-  it all sucks anyway, no-one will want to read you. From there it is a pity party and I am the host!

Earlier I mentioned Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD.  I want to address that.  Maybe clarify.  I have never discussed with a doctor or been diagnosed by a doctor.  I guess I have OCD tendencies in my own opinion.  Maybe I should seek a professional opinion.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I do not want to offend anyone who is diagnosed and suffers from OCD in any form. It can be mild, mostly unnoticeable or severe and debilitating.  I am not just claiming to have a serious ailment for attention.  I just like to be open and honest about myself and my feelings and thoughts.  And I feel that I do have some OCD behaviors.

Want to hear one of my most RIDICULOUS reasons I don’t get to write.  It seems like I subliminally punish myself so that if I make a goal publicly and don’t stick to it I almost won’t let myself do it the next day.  I say to myself oh you missed yesterday’s post goal, now you look like a bigger loser than before.  SO I compound the situation by not writing, again. Feeling worse I do it again the next day and so on.  That is why it is 12 days since my last post rather than like I promised! (Ugh loserrr).  This is something I am trying to immediately change about myself.

I must stop this endless cycle of bad thoughts about my writing the bad habit of not writing.  Right now it is for me and if I want to get good I have to stick to the basics. Read, write, edit, read your own stuff, read, edit, write, read, write, write, read, read your own stuff, write, read, write etc

Does it seem like I am being harsh on myself? GOODIE that is what I am going for.  I have to confront what I know is holding me back.  That is the only way I can break free of this shell and grow. Grow as a human, a woman, a writer.

No promises except for see you soon {I hope…}

Thanks for listening!

Ugh…16 Days

Hey Y’all !!!!                                                                                                                                                 {Yes I live in New Yawk but my Momma was a Southerner and I lived in Florida close  to 5 years and I like it }

I know two posts ago I said I was going to really try to get put one post a week.  And I just log in to WordPress and see ” It has been 16 Days…” and I am like Damnnnnnnnnnn It!

Any way I was going to write anyway because I have so much on my mind the past few days.  I feel focused.  I feel like my old self – from 25 years ago. And that’s good, for the most part.  I am trying to create a new routine, set writing and publishing goals and make time for my other activities. Those are supposed to be part of  my what I want to write about too! All while trying not to continue doing the OCD thing I do where I make a list of all the things to do and start at the top every day. And never finish or get anywhere! Baby Steps.  Really tiny baby feet steps lol.

So is it really weird that I have Tampons that I bought in a multi pack that I don’t use and I offered to give away on Facebook. I said to answer via private message or text for obvious reasons.  But it was just ignored. So are people like – WTF is wrong with this crazy woman? It is a shame to throw away and I don’t know if I can donate somewhere?  Any references please comment.

I mean I don’t care all that much what most people on Facebook think of me. Cause I  also started a Social Media purge this week. Deleting people and pages that are not relevant or meaningful to me.  Some family and extended family included.  People talk about me anyway lol.  And I was keeping “friends” on that I had barely or never even interacted with. Then all these pages I have absent minded clicked or been asked/pushed to Like – GONE!  Timelines and news feeds are looking much better!  And this is good because I will be more inclined to use these platforms and interact with more people :).  I am also keeping family from everything but Facebook.

I am going to save some more of this stuff on my mind for next post.  Got some mail and other crap to catch up on and clean up before 11:41.

Remember – Sharing is Caring !!! And all that you do will make a difference to me!!!

I will have another post out by Sunday – Promise y’all!

Toodles

Image result for social media deleting people meme

 

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Here is where I am at – Today.

Been having a down week.

Home life is to say the least, HARD, emotionally.

To explain the whole story of what has me upset since yesterday would be boring and quite long to type.  Bottom line is arguing with my uncle over the dishwasher being on and each of us having to take showers and being told – “From now on ASK to take a shower before you do”. And I was floored!!!

You see I grew up next door to him and lived in the same house since 13.  This is not a new living arrangement. We were quite close.  WERE. Things have been escalating for a long time. And getting more volatile almost daily.  This new thing of his, telling me what to do and how to do it – OH NO I need to end this soon.

You see I work for my Uncle and Dad.  We all live in the same house with their Mother, my Grandmother.  Daily for the last 5 out of 8 years I WAIT for him in the mornings.  He takes an hour to do nothing when I wake him. (Yea I wake him up like his Mommy for his own business.  He is almost 15 years older.)  I used to sit in the car and wait but now I make coffee at home and bring breakfast and lunch.  After a few months into this new routine I realized I could just sit on the couch and relax, get a ten minute cat nap in @ 8:40 a.m.

So about a month ago I was kinda rushing him on bequest of my Dad because of a new employee.  He was deliberately stalling minutes at a time on purpose.  When he came up and saw me laying on the ottoman, he was hostile! He said “if your gonna fucking rush me then you better be outside in the car waiting” I was SHOCKED.   {Sorry for all the capital words I am in a mood)

I have tried to reach out to him on numerous occasions and work on things but he seems to think I am the aggressor and I treat him badly and when I point out various things he does that are mean and nasty, he tells me I take things to heart.  Well yea duh I have one. And I am told by many people its a big one, sorry don’t mean to brag. But I  Swear sometimes I think his is locked up.

Maybe to you my readers this seems frivolous.  And I get that.  I guess you need to know more about our relationship and it’s decline. [Hint hint – guess you better stick around for more info) But I think these things go against basic respect for another person – especially a close family member.

I choose not to elaborate any more right now because I am so hurt and angry from the incident yesterday to something else that happened today that I fear if I go on I will go off on too many tangents and begin to sound a little too far out there.

Please share thoughts and insights – good or bad all is welcome and appreciated. And any sharing you do is too!

Thank you for listening and please keep on keeping on with me, I am working to at least get one post out a week and maybe start adding some other Pages type content for your viewing pleasure.

Any suggestions – anything you want to hear about or hear more about – let me know 🙂

Screw the New Year, New Me…

I am going to find the ME I should have always been this year and I will not allow anything or anyone to get in my way. As hard as it may be I NEED to learn to take care of MYSELF and worry about my health and stability OVER ANYONE ELSE!!!

Back to work tomorrow after being on Vacation since Christmas – normally I would be full of anxiety about what will come or how things will be.  I am an Office Manager – end of year, new year is tough. But strangely I am excited to start the New Year fresh and begin to put the past two years behind me. You see I had some serious problems at work that caused tremendous financial difficulties for the business and severely strained my relationships with my Dad and Uncle – who are my bosses.  That is a story deserving of its own post or two, and not one I am willing to tell just yet.

I started this post with no clear direction really, kinda wanted to address the new year and share some things on my mind. So here goes…

I understand prices go up yearly – even more so this year with the minimum wage increase but my Valley Stream,NY Dunkin Donuts is a little ridiculous.

1: Am I poor or cheap? Or do you agree?                                                                                             2015: Extra Large Coffee + 2 Donuts $4.39              Extra Large Coffee $2.49                                   2016: Extra Large Coffee + 2 Donuts $4.62              Extra Large Coffee $2.82                              As a result of this adding to the fact that my Grandma got a Keurig 2.0 I am now making my night coffee at home as of tonight therefore I will be saving $19.74 a week!  Woo Hoo!

2: I am a TV junkie and a back at the start of July I started watching NYPD Blue from its inception on my Fire TV stick, today (sniff sniff) I started the final season – Season 12.  I feel like I am leaving a job I have worked at for 25 years lol.  I am just so upset it is like I am a Detective at the 15th Squad.  Hey – I drink enough coffee HA HA

Feel free to share me like a pack of gum, I need all the support I can get. . And believe me all support will be very much appreciated.

refuse to share this on Facebook because I rather not my family (any of them) get a hold of this.  The future of this blog depends on me to be true to myself and be able to write freely about what I want without worrying about who is going to have something to say.

Thanks all , goodnight

Have a Kick Ass First Monday of 2016

 

PS: Let me know if you think this post is too long?